To BE or NOT to BE!!!

No, No, No.... Not that I just read something from Shakespeare.
You go thru the motions of life seamlessly until one day you wake up and realize something really really wonderful has happened to you. You live your life every single day just to keep that wonderful thing going and going. You give it everything you have, it grows on you day by day & month by month. And then as you go thru the motions of it seamlessly you realize that it is something you want for the rest of your life, it is something you know will keep you happy forever and ever.

Your world changes and revolves around it, everything you do is to keep the wonderful feeling going and going. You pretty much dedicate your life for it, your time is consumed by it, your dreams and visions are all to do with it. Ok, so it sounds looserish, but at the end of it all you are on top of the world, never felt better (at that point of time).

And then one day your wake up to find that for reasons beyond your control it has taken a turn in another direction. You try to steer the direction back towards you but doesn't work and eventually after all that you try to do, its lost. Your world shatters under your feet, you feel lost and hopeless. You think, wonder, cry, scream, curse and go into 'woe is me'.

You remain there for a couple of months unhappy with yourself, you try your level best not to think about it and wonder over and over again as to why, what, where and how. But each time you do, it pulls you back in further into 'woe is me'. But with every passing day the feeling of 'woe is me' reduces and you wake up happy one final day. It dawns upon you that 'Nothing in Life is Constant' and nothing in life comes with a guarantee. "Not even this wonderful feeling" called LOVE.

Life goes one and you follow the motions of it. You move on from one day to another living your life for yourself, being the person you once were and you realize you are happy all over again. But then there is always something missing. An empty space that just cannot fill itself, no matter how much friends and family say they love you.

That is when you start thinking to yourself "To BE or NOT to BE". Fill the space with "To BE" and wonder if all will be fine or whether you will once again fall as hard (and have to pick yourself up again) or "NOT to BE" and just live your life with the empty space (not having to worry about falling and picking yourself up again). But then, for how long?? You meet interesting people, people who find you and you find intriguing!!

BUT!! You think about the space and the question

"To BE or NOT to BE??"

Nothing in life is constant!!

Nothing in life is constant!!

Nothing in life is constant!!

Umm, yeah there is one thing in life that is constant and that would be me (you). Our sense of being alive, our sense of feeling joy/love, our sense of feeling pain/anguish/hatred and the sense of knowing that there is something happening to you all the time.

Life still goes on, passes you at a pace where you are either ride side by side or you just get left behind to pick up the pieces, most of the times pieces that you left behind. Some of us pick up these pieces in no time and catch up with life as she races on, and some of us take our own sweet time and yet want to lead the race.

Looking back a couple of months I realize I stopped my race with life, I was happy, content with all that happening around me. I started dropping pieces of my life all over the place. Work, family, friends, love & ambition all slowly one by one starting taking their turns to move ahead of me. First it was work, took the largest step ahead of me. I let it pass. Family stayed there constant with me occasionally leaping ahead but then for some reason I always caught on. Friends some dragged me along ahead, making sure I didn't get left behind eating dust. Love, she just walked on never even once looking back at me to see if I was wounded & in pain. Ambition jumped far far ahead after love never to look back but give me hope every now and then & assure me that she would still be in reach if I tried hard enough to reach out to her.

Nothing in life is constant!!
Nothing in life is constant!! Not even you (me) are constant at any level. No sense of being or feeling will ever remain constant.

Wrong!! If there was one thing constant for a reasonably long period of time, it was my sense of anguish & hatred. With me they were constant, keeping me company in my slow race in life. Little did I know, they were / are blocking my path, the path that would let me pick up the pieces of my life and stay in if not with the race of life.

Anguish & Hatred, take over all the other senses of my well being. Thoughts run thru my head like chaos in a terror stricken world. One by one, systems start falling out of place. Logic looses ground first, taking with it the power of reasoning. This one fall puts all other systems at risk. One by one they overload causing a serious breakdown of spirit and faith.

Nothing in life is Constant!!

Nothing in life is Constant!!

Nothing!!

And yet, we strive to keep up with the race out of fear of being left behind. We fight theses senses deep within giving life a finger in her face, telling her throw what you want at me, I will go down and yet will rise again to give you another one. Sometimes I may rise quicker than you may expect me to and sometimes I may rise at my own pace. But every time I rise, I will bring with me the one thing that will remind me of my fall and keep me going.

Something’s in life remind you of who you are, and teach you how to avoid getting lost in the race. They may leave their marks on you stronger than a flesh would till it heals, but these marks keep coming and going, keeping your sense of a struggle within going stronger and stronger day by day, making sure that if you fall you will find a way to keep your head in the race if not with it.

Something’s in life are CONSTANT!!